When I read about INFJs and their lives, on social media and websites generally, it appears that we are expected to live a painful life, one of endless suffering. Apparently INFJs are destined to be lonely, depressed and anxious, to feel used and to be full of self-doubt.

Worse still, it is stated that other types won't like us, will look down on us critically and then reject us.

This is so wrong. There is no factual evidence to support this. Being an INFJ is only a personality type, it is not a psycho-pathology. It isn't that a proportion of INFJs don't feel lonely or distressed, a segment of each type does. However, to expect this to happen is, in itself, distressing.

My lived experience as an INFJ.

All types can suffer and have highs and lows. It is not something specific to INFJs. INFJs, of course, can find that they have doubt and have to face criticism. This is true. As an INFJ I've had a normal number of knockbacks in my life.

However, it doesn't mean that the pain, hurt or suffering is constant or endless. Nor does it mean that we can't overcome it. Nor does it mean that we can't avoid it. With good management skills INFJs can win through their problems and bring balance back into their lives.

INFJs can be very talented. They can be IQ smart and skilled at solving problems. Life as an INFJ can be one of happiness and contentment. It's how we use our gifts that makes a big difference to our mental state.


Many of us are talented in being able to read other people and in understanding others' emotions. What concerns me is whether we turn this empathic skill against ourselves and make it into a pain we must endure and carry, or whether we process the emotions quickly and return to equilibrium.

It is overdoing empathy and getting stuck in empathy and the emotions we have detected that causes suffering. It is not the fault of empathy per se, it is how we use empathy and react to it that may make us suffer.

We can also turn our empathy into a great gift which does not destroy us but which helps us to build a more caring and compassionate world. It is a wonderful gift to be celebrated and grateful for, but one we must be able to let go of as soon as the benefits are over.

Overdoing empathy can make an INFJ feel special.

I meet INFJs who wear their ability to absorb others' emotions like a hair shirt. Without meaning to they get lost in the emotions, as if to say, "look how good I am". They stay stuck in the emotions without having learnt that there is a way out, and because of this they believe they must suffer.

There is a way out of suffering for all types. There is a way out of suffering for INFJs. We need to release the absorbed emotions back to where they came from and return to resting in the golden sunshine of life.

It is up to us as to what we do with our skills, our strengths and our weaknesses. We can choose to suffer or to celebrate a life of gratitude, if we know how. That is the important part – we need to know how to process the emotions so we let the sunshine in. Do you?

Planet INFJ: The Book

How can you ensure that your INFJ life favours contentment?

"Planet INFJ" is here to help INFJs, across the globe, to rise above the difficulties and challenges that they face and to find a life of contentment, delight and joy. Join us on this journey of a lifetime.

  1. "Planet INFJ" reduces suffering by proving that INFJs can be happy and successful. The whole of the book is devoted to showing all INFJs the heights of positivity and happiness that can be reached. It includes 12 INFJ Insight writers who take you inside their own lives and the successes they've had. Not only do they explain their road to success but the pains they've overcome. They show all INFJs that there is a path to wonderment.
  2. "Planet INFJ" does not avoid the possibility that INFJs can fall into black, bleak holes; but it does show how INFJs can get out of them. It is there to inspire all of us to wear a crown of glorious sunshine where our strengths, sensitivities and talents flourish and we live in a world of happiness. Chapter 10, for example, specifically addresses how to lead a meaningful life. It is a meaningful life that brings deep contentment to many INFJs. If you want to be happier then Chapter 10 is vital reading and could change your life.
  3. Don't give into suffering. Find the joy in your life, because as INFJs we have so much to be grateful for. I wouldn't be any other type, would you?


Are you troubled because you want to be an authentic INFJ but find yourself being rebuffed, ridiculed or dismissed? Are you retreating into the safety of your own private world? If so, you risk becoming isolated or lonely and your wonderful INFJ strengths and gifts being wasted. Don't let this happen to you. "Planet INFJ" will help you find the perfect balance between being understood and accepted AND being an authentic INFJ.

Authenticity is the core value of INFJs; come join us on Planet INFJ, where authenticity reigns.