INFJs long to be understood and lament the lack of understanding they receive from other people. They complain that people don't understand their viewpoints, ideas and solutions, and dismiss their observations, knowings, and need for solitude. It makes them feel insignificant and irrelevant and they can begin to doubt themselves.

This is my INFJ lived experience. Throughout my childhood and into early adulthood I was often misunderstood, and it hurt. I felt belittled, inadequate and unwanted as a result. I just wanted someone to know me, to understand me, and to accept me, deeply.

It troubled me how often others failed to understand me. I know other INFJs have the same experience. No wonder we worry in case we are weird.

As an INFJ, why am I still not understood?

When I think back to my childhood my parents used to find it hard to understand me emotionally. My mother couldn't understand why I would get upset about things and labelled me as being "too sensitive".

It was hard to explain back then what was going on inside me. I grew up in a kind of distant, cold fog of misunderstandings.

Now I am older I am still misunderstood. The types of misunderstandings have changed though. My sensitivity is seldom in question as I own it proudly but my intention and actions still are.


There are many other aspects of myself and other INFJs that people do not understand. It is hard to write the full list, it is so long. I know the way that we can quickly assess a situation, read other people and correctly interpret what is going on mystifies many, to the point that they dismiss our ideas and observations. How often are we denied and told we are "imagining things" when we aren't? Often!

I also know that people misjudge my intentions and read things into my actions which aren't there. This can still hurt especially when people presume I have a bad intention when I was acting with a kind heart and goodwill.

People can even read put-downs or malice into something I have said, when I have said it with a full sense of love. I have learnt, to my surprise that not everyone knows how to recognise kindness, goodness and warmth in others.

Am I a private person? There is much people don't know about me.

One common misunderstanding I frequently experience is when people tell me that because I have a career as a public speaker I must be on an ego trip, or I like to hog the limelight.

Wrong! I speak in public, as an Introvert, because I can help people and change their lives for the better. This is an INFJ career. I can help more people when I speak from the stage than I can in a one-on-one session with a client. We are big picture analysts. I work with the big picture.

I also delight fully in making people laugh. I have a typical INFJ wit and feel so happy to be able to bring joy into people's lives. How INFJ!


By not understanding my reasons for being a public speaker people are failing to understand the kind of values and motivations an INFJ, such as myself, may have.

Our INFJ values drive much of what we do. INFJs typically have strong humanitarian values. If these are not understood then our very heart is being trashed.

Why an INFJ would speak out.

I may look comfortable on stage but I am just as happy sitting at home on my own, soaking up solitude. I do not need the limelight. I am happiest sitting under a tree in the warm sunlight, with a silent respect for all that surrounds me.

It is our values which drive our behaviour and get us to reach out. We have extraverted Feeling (Fe) as our auxiliary function. It helps us develop skills in reading people. In return, we want people to take the time and care to understand us. Sometimes that is all we want. It is a basic human need to feel understood, and so it is with INFJs.

There is much we can do to help others understand us though, and this is the key point that some INFJs overlook.

Planet INFJ: The Book

As an INFJ, how can you guarantee that other people will understand you?

"Planet INFJ" will guide INFJs to take the actions they need to be better understood and accepted, despite living in a world full of other types. The relief and happiness can be immeasurable when understanding arises. At last!

  1. Do you feel misunderstood or wretched because so many fail to "get you" and they shun your ideas and ways of seeing and processing the world? If so, take heart, "Planet INFJ" is here to help you be understood. The whole book is devoted to increasing your own and others understanding of INFJs. With greater self-understanding comes the ability to explain yourself more clearly to others so that they too can understand you. Our human need is met.
  2. The need to be understood is so important to INFJs that "Planet INFJ" devotes whole chapters to the topic. For example, chapter 6 explains why INFJs can end up feeling alienated, and Jen, one of the twelve INFJ Insight writers explains how she stopped herself from thinking she was an alien. In fact, every chapter explains ways to understand INFJs in greater depth, including Chapter 16 which provides an insightful explanation on how INFJs can stop communication clashes and be clear to other types. Given that the world is made up almost exclusively of other types, this is priceless.
  3. The greatest journey for an INFJ to embark on and complete is the journey to self-acceptance. Then the need for external validation and understanding can soften. Join us on Planet INFJ and construct a life of self-acceptance and understanding with your sister and brother INFJs.


Are you troubled because you want to be an authentic INFJ but find yourself being rebuffed, ridiculed or dismissed? Are you retreating into the safety of your own private world? If so, you risk becoming isolated or lonely and your wonderful INFJ strengths and gifts being wasted. Don't let this happen to you. "Planet INFJ" will help you find the perfect balance between being understood and accepted AND being an authentic INFJ.

Authenticity is the core value of INFJs; come join us on Planet INFJ, where authenticity reigns.